Never Cut What You Can Untie

A good friend and fellow mediator recently shared with me an old adage that he said perfectly captures one of the benefits of mediation: "Never cut what you can untie." Originating from the insightful words of Joseph Joubert, an 18th-century French moralist and essayist known for his wisdom and concise expressions, this phrase has echoed through centuries, offering guidance not only in mediation but in various aspects of human interaction.

Of course, opting instead for a resolution by trial is a “knives out” proposition. Not only is the relationship with the other party subject to being disjoined, but so are the relationships between:

• attorneys and clients,

• attorneys and the bar,

• attorneys and the court,

• clients and the court,

• clients and their shareholders or stakeholders,

• clients and the public,

• clients and future business partners or customers, and

• clients and regulators.

Litigators are professional knife bearers. It is hard for them to put their knives away, especially in front of their clients. Those who can find a way to set them down just long enough to focus on what is in their client’s best interest in a compromise settlement are valued counselors who build long relationships with their clients.

Conflicts often feel like impossible knots—tight, stubborn, complex. Instinct might tell us that the quickest solution is simply to cut through, severing ties or relationships irreparably. But experienced mediators know that when you cut through a knot, you lose the rope. Relationships, whether personal or professional, are valuable ropes that connect us. They are worth preserving. Even if a continued relationship is not envisioned with the other party, maintaining respect and dignity through the process can still yield significant personal and professional benefits. After all, it is a small world, and one's reputation, history, and conduct are quickly shared outside of existing relationships. You just never know.

The act of untangling, however, requires unmitigated patience, strategic empathy, and effective communication. It involves carefully examining each strand—each grievance, misunderstanding, or hurt (yes, hurt)—and gently loosening it. Effective mediators take time to understand the positions and interests of each party deeply, recognizing that beneath hardened stances often lie deeper concerns or unmet needs. The best resolutions come from addressing these underlying issues rather than forcing quick fixes or harsh compromises.

"Never cut what you can untie" is more than just advice; it is a philosophy of practice that honors relationships and prioritizes lasting resolution over momentary relief. The mediation process, therefore, must always strive to preserve and strengthen connections rather than fracture them further.

By choosing to untie rather than cut, mediators and participants alike ensure that solutions are durable, respectful, and, most importantly, capable of restoring trust and mutual respect. After all, a rope once untangled remains whole, useful, and ready to support future challenges, maybe even together.